You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
