ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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