I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
