She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
His nipple licking is glorious
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