Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
