im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Small penises have feelings too.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
