I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
did i just pee glitter
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
