I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
