I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
