I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
