I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dear god my vagina.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
