You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
please come you make the beer taste better
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
