at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
