he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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