I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Found your dick twin last night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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