Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
