im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
