We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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