i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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