So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
