Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
