im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
