i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
