Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
