his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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