That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
