I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
