He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
