So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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