As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
