he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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