One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
