last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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