well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
