I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
