So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
