I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
