i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
