don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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