How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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