i permit you to call me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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