Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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