We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
