My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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