Life is so much better after having sex.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
