you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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