I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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