He asked to "fluff my boner.."
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
