u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
