YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
