Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
